'They told her she is not capable of doing the job': Judgmental parents fire au pair for taking depression and anxiety medication

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Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor
Mar 15, 2024 6:00 PM EDT

Being an au pair sounds like an incredibly stressful job. You have to leave the country that you know and love to live with a random family and care for their children full-time. It sounds like being a foreign exchange student without being treated like a cool, fun novelty amongst your peers in this country. 

While the au pair life might not be for me, it can be a great opportunity for young people looking for employment and housing in a foreign country. It covers both of those needs, and food! What more could a 20-something need? Sometimes, this seemingly golden opportunity comes at the cost of their privacy, which can have consequences for their employment. One 20-year-old Canadian au pair learned that firsthand when the British family she was working with fired her after going through her things and discovering she was taking depression and anxiety medication. They even said she was unfit for au pair work at all. 

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  • 01
    r/Aupairs u/bumby1972. 4d Daughter got fired within 2 days Advice Needed Join
    via u/bumby1972
  • 02
    We are from Canada, and my 20 year old daughter secured her first ever au pair contract in England. Big moment for her, very excited, first time moving away from home.
    via u/bumby1972
  • 03
    She arrived 7 days ago, was immediately homesick, and jetlagged. Many late night conversations ensued, where I talked her through things and comforted her. The host family was initially great, connected her with their friends au pair, and they met a few times over the first few days. There were actually several au pairs in the tight circle of host families, and they all got together for an afternoon social event.
    via u/bumby1972
  • 04
    While my daughter was there, the host family entered her room, and found my daughters supply of medication. She takes some medication for depression and anxiety. Has for several years, and we, including her doctor, thought nothing of it other than to secure her enough medication for her stay. She did not disclose to the host family because, honestly, none of us thought anything of it.
    via u/bumby1972
  • 05
    The host family flipped out, and immediately terminated her contract, and within a day of that, kicked her out. They told her that she is not capable of doing the job and should get a desk job somewhere. They asked her what she would do, and when she said she would go to London and find another job, they were shocked and said they thought she should go home. We, of course, helped her find some accommodation in London, and support her in her wish to continue seeking some sort of employment in the
    via u/bumby1972
  • 06
    In the 24 hours after they terminated her contract, my daughter picked up her residence permit, and secured an interview with another host family. She, of course, was completely transparent with the new host family about what happened. Including her medications. They were fine with it. My daughter is a confident young woman, and will find employment that suits her. What I am wondering is, if it is worth pursing some form of compensation.
    via u/bumby1972
  • 07
    Her contract clearly states that either party can terminate with 6 weeks written notice. I believe she should ask them for 6 weeks of wages. I know that they might balk at it, but I think she has the right to ask for that. I am also concerned about their invasion of her privacy, as I understand she should assume a reasonable amount of privacy in the room provided to her. They did not ask to enter, and my daughter was in the middle of unpacking when called away to the social event. Her pills, whi
    via u/bumby1972
  • 08
    As a parent, I understand not being comfortable with someone if they are struggling, or at least there is evidence that they may be. I, and my daughter, aren't trying to force them to keep employing her. I am just I off, and think that my daughter is at least owed what is in the contract, so she doesn't have to pay completely out of her pocket while she looks for new work.
    via u/bumby1972
  • 09
    I dont want to talk about the parent's emotional response. As a parent, I get it. I would not be comfortable if I found something like that. However, as the parent of an anxious child, I have grown accustomed to being reasonable and patient, and I really feel that my daughter is at least owed a fair interpretation of the contract. Thoughts?
    via u/bumby1972
  • 10
    Edit: thanks for all the comments! Appreciate the support and feedback. I'll leave this with the following: I understand the parents' worries, and don't blame them for being uncomfortable. My daughter is fully in control of her situation. She would not be there without the approval of her family, doctor and therapist. She is good. Most likely the course of action will be move forward, learn from it. To the couple of posters who brought up some previous posts. Adolescence is fiery, even without m
    via u/bumby1972
  • 11
    AKlutraa 4d • I think your daughter dodged a bullet. The host family's response after discovering the legally prescribed meds was rigid and judgemental. Au pairs are supposed to be treated as members of the host family, and with compassion and kindness. This host family sounds like a nightmare and your daughter is well out of that situation. Kudos to her for her resilience! 194
    via u/AKlutraa
  • 12
    bumby1972 OP. 4d Thanks, I agree it is a blessing in disguise! ... 28
    via u/bumby1972
  • 13
    itschaaarlieee • 4d You've gotten really good advice here so I'm just here to congratulate your daughter on her resilience and ability to find a job so quickly and not giving up!!! You've done well and she's ready to fly. This was a hard lesson but maybe a necessary one and she'll be better off for it anyway, as she'll actually be more comfortable being in a family who knows about her conditions it'll be easier to talk to them. She'll do great! 109
    via u/itschaaarlieee
  • 14
    your_right11. 4d I am a lawyer and yes, it looks like an early redundancy and your daughter is entitled to at least 6 weeks of her lost wage, especially wasn't any notice given. Saying that, you may end up on spending more on the lawyers while trying to get your compensation paid. 113
    via u/your_right11
  • 15
    redditandforgot ⚫ 4d • I think in the UK this would be really serious. The invasion of privacy, a young person who has some challenges with depression, termination of the contract outside of what was agreed. If you contacted a lawyer there, she would probably get the six weeks, plus all the costs for relocating and money for the pain and embarrassment. The family should definitely get into some hot water for such terrible behavior. I could understand such a reaction for a bag full of crack, but
    via u/redditandforgot
  • 16
    QuasiGecko • 4d In Canada, this would be an easy win at a human rights tribunal on the basis of discrimination due to disability. I suspect it would be the same in the Uk based on a quick peek at the laws. Unlike some of the other posters recommending to simply look forward, I would advocate for her and/or encourage her to advocate for herself. There is still so much stigma around mental health issues, and your daughter is so young. Will she take away the message that her mental health is someth
    via u/QuasiGecko
  • 17
    woopdeewoop123 • 4d I do see this as discrimination towards your daughter. Though I hadn't thought of the safety concerns until others brought it up. So, if you do pursue a claim, they have some ammunition. I am very impressed by your young daughter finding alternate employment so quickly in a new country. Sounds like she'll be better off in her new place. I'd just focus on that victory. ... 108
    via u/woopdeewoop123
  • 18
    bumby 1972 OP. 4d Yes I agree, and as a parent, it would completely make me uncomfortable. I also am proud of my daughter! Thank you! 18
    via u/bumby1972

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getting fired social anxiety firing story au pair firing babysitter fired job fired story bad parenting medication babysitting depression seasonal depression parents anxiety
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